I can't even say that image is me. The person staring back is unrecognisable to me. Everything I always said I would never become. Full of hatred and fear. Full of anger and hurt. A demon, so vile it destroys everthing in its path, no matter what or who that is. There is no colour, just black and white and even then more black than white.
It pushes, it shoves, it puts you down until you can't sink any further. Children don't need that, it doesn't just do it to them though, it does it to the body it has taken over, consumed the soul so there is nothing left just a hollow shell.
You can't even hide from the thing when it's inside you, everyday you vow that you won't let it win, you're stronger than that but it always wins.
Hiding in the bedroom letting children run the house (which now looks like a rather large tornado hit it) just so the thing cannot get to them, living in fear everyday, crying because the guilt just overflows.
If you haven't guessed it yet this is how I am feeling right about now, I can't even call my mental health team at the hospital because my phone is flat and I don't know where the charger is and I don't want to go find it in fear of exploding. If only I could fall asleep and never wake up, I know I am not that lucky though. Maybe I should move out on my own away from everyone just run as far as I can to protect them.