2017 Goals - new year, new beginnings

You've already thought it with the title right? So cliché .... I know! BUT this year I mean it, 2016 has been a whirlwind of a year (to be honest the last 5 years have)
Something needs to change or this family will collapse, whilst I hold this family together by being the main care provider especially while my husband works 1800km away, I am also one of the reasons it is falling apart, one of the main reasons to be completely truthful.

My goals:

Get stable with my mental health

My mental health has sucked this year and I haven't really had any supports in place, this would be the number one goal as I feel most other aspects that I am struggling with stem from this.

Look after my body more

It's no secret that when you eat like crap you look and feel like crap. Hopefully combining goal #1 and goal #2 will have me feeling better (both inside and out), looking better, losing so weight and having lots more energy and motivation to tackle my day.
I'll be signing up for a new round of The Healthy Mummy 28 Day Challenge - I find having that supportive community and guidance a real motivator.

Boost my businesses

With my mental health (see how I said most issues stemmed from this!) I can't go out and get a regular job (YET!) so I work from home.
A Rainbow Doula is my main business where I am focusing on postpartum care (I can't really do births at the moment with my husband being away) and placenta encapsulation.
Kaszazz a hobby that pays! I love to scrapbook and make cards as well as off the page projects, with Kaszazz I get discount products and starting to build a customer base.
Younique is amazing! Great quality make up at great prices. I have built up amazing confidence when it comes to make up now and most of the time I can lift a down in the dumps day with a bit of lippy and mascara
Love The Crafty Butterfly as I mentioned I love to craft, its a great therapy for me but I cannot possibly keep everything I create!

Spend less, live moreHaving fun isn't always about money. I need to start saving to buy land. I'm a compulsive spender and going to work really hard on this.

Smashed my goal!

Totally smashed the goal today! Today had good points and bad. Motivation was found, tears were shed (in the changing rooms at Target!) and I set some goals.

I had to go to Target to buy a new bra, one that fit and one that gave support, unlike the one I had on which was the most unflattering bra the world has ever seen, zero support in fact made my boobs look saggier than wet sand in a sock, I'm not ready for that look at 29. Anyway moving past the illusion of saggy boobs from my unflattering bra .... I found a really nice bra and took it to the fitting room. Put it on and what the hell did I see? Back fat!! Overhang from the top of the bra band, what??!!! Where did this come from? I've never had to get a size 14 bra ever, why was a 12 doing this even on the last hook! I was mortified.
How I fit comfortably into a size 10 top yet bulge in a size 12 bra still has me bewildered, maybe the sizing works a little differently? This gave me the kick I need though, I don't want over hang, its not sexy at all! I still bought the bra, as a goal, it will fit by my birthday (in January)

Now the good side of the day, the girls were at school, the twinadoes were at kinder so just me and the animals. I took one of the dogs for a walk as the other is still learning to walk on a lead and goes for short walks, I wanted something longer so took the older of the two. We walked for 3.61km which took 42 minutes. I aim to get faster at this but I do need Dex to cooperate with that as he stops to sniff everything and pee on every tree.
I smashed my daily goal of 10,000 steps YAY. First full day of having my Fit Bit and I smashed it so I am feeling really good about that and I am coming 3rd already in a weekly steps challenge that I joined yesterday with the Healthy Mummy group.

All in all a good day!

10,000 steps

eekkk! It's Christmas at my house today! My new fit bit and fit bit scales have arrived.
With a goal to lose 10kg and 10% body fat I need the motivation. The warmer weather is here, I'm feeling good and setting my goals.
Lucky for me with 2 energetic staffys we get plenty of walks so hopefully I see those numbers climb.

It's amazing how many steps can be done. I did 2000 just cleaning the house today.
Tomorrow I'll be showing off my goodies for you and showing you my goals. I just wanted to pop by now and scream it from the rooftops that my pretties are here.

Watch this space tomorrow!!

21 Day Destash - Declutter - Challenge Accepted

The quote "A cluttered home equals a cluttered mind" is one I believe to be true, it is for me anyway. Having 4 kids, a hoarding husband and running 3 businesses from home has my house looking like something out of a horror movie.
Needing some extra cash at the moment has inspired me to do a big clear out, go back to basics. We simply have way too much stuff. A lot I will be donating simply to get rid of it, some I will be selling.

The house is small and we have made it smaller, no matter how clean it is it's still horrible to look at. I can't stand it any longer.
Join me if you like or simply follow the mammoth task ahead of me.
Some days will be allocated as rest days so I do not overwhelm myself and give up. Bigger jobs will be broken up across a few days.

Lets get this started!!

DAY ONE: Adults clothing - I have way too many clothes, who can relate? I often think I like that or maybe I'll wear that when the weathers better instead it sits in the drawer for another year.
I am going to cut right back with my clothes, many don't fit anymore, many are not my style even.
What I'll be left with (hopefully!)
3x Jeans/Pants
2 x leggings
5 x skirts/shorts
3 x dresses
2 x bathing suits
3 x jumpers/jackets
4 x short sleeved tops
4 x long sleeved tops
4 x gym tops
2 x each season PJ's
1 x runners
1 x work shoes
2 x dress shoes

Hubby's clothes well, we will see what he is left with, he hangs on to things until they're literally a rag.

DAY TWO: Kids clothes
The kids (mainly the girls, actually mainly Miss 11 have ssoooooo many clothes, I could probably fill a shop!
They will be reduced to (each):
4 x jeans/'pants (6 each for the boys who still need spares)
2 x leggings (girls)
4 x shorts/skirts
2 x dresses
4 x short sleeved tops
4 x long sleeved tops
3 x jackets/jumpers
2 x dress outfits

The last 2 days should have had a huge impact in the amount of laundry I have to do which I'll appreciate.

DAY THREE: Books
We are big readers, which I love but we do have a lot of books many which are not read anymore so I will be sorting these out.

DAY FOUR: Rest day  - we all need those!!

DAY FIVE: Girl's wardrobe
OMG how much do kids accumulate? So much stuff they don't play with anymore, things they don't even know they still have. 30 million drawings from kinder (I'll keep the good ones), scraps of paper, no doubt broken lunchboxes etc.
My 11 year old doesn't really play with toys anymore so she doesn't need any, she loves her books, colouring and drawing. Miss 8 plays with selected things but also is a big reader and story writer. Goodbye dreading Littlest Pet Shops that they've finally grown out of (thankfully we skipped the shopkins faze!)

DAY SIX: My wardrobe
I think I am dreading this more than the girls to be honest. It has just become a storage place for anything that has no place - if it has no place and isn't sentimental then why are we keeping it?

DAY SEVEN: Linen cupboard
This cupboard is half Christmas decorations ad half towels and linen.
Ill be getting rid of most of the Christmas décor and downsizing the linen to 2-3 bedding sets each and 2 towels each plus 3 spares. Who needs 30 towels really?

DAY EIGHT: rest day

DAY NINE: Boys room
The room I dread the most, ssoooo much stuff, so much broken, unplayed with etc. Downsizing a lot here. Keeping their favourite toys like cars and superhero figures but that's about it. I do need to buy them a smallish wooden toy box as they had a huge one that I got rid of but they don't really have anywhere for their stuff now.

DAY TEN: Girls room
Now that I've done their clothes and their wardrobe fingers crossed this shouldn't take too long, though miss 8's version of cleaning her room is to shove it all under the bed - out of sight, out of mind - nice try!

DAY ELEVEN: My room
Again now that clothes and wardrobe are done this should be a piece of cake.

DAY TWELVE: rest day - no doubt very welcomed!

DAY THIRTEEN: Bathroom
Goodbye 5 year old mascara and those shampoo bottles with just dregs left in them. This room is probably going to be the easiest as there is only 3 small drawers and one very small cupboard.

DAY FOURTEEN: Re-evaluate clothing
By now I'll have done a few cycles of washing so time to make sure I have only what was assigned in the first few days

DAY FIFTEEN: Lounge room
Xbox games galore, storage under the turtle tank - the turtle tank in itself is due for a clean. This is the room we wind down in on an evening, I want it to feel relaxing, to be comfortable for guests. Eventually we need new furniture but that is eventually, what we have works at the moment though bulky, I just can't afford to change it at the moment.

DAY SIXTEEN: rest day

DAY SEVENTEEN: Laundry
With less clothes this should be a breeze! Our laundry is tiny so it doesn't take much to make it look cluttered and overwhelming.

DAY EIGHTEEN: Pantry
The pantry needs a whole day in itself, not having much cupboard space it also holds some appliances. Lots of foods we don't use or need. Having just joined Michelle Bridges 12 WBT a pantry makeover is in order.

DAY NINETEEN: Kitchen cupboards & bench
The benches thankfully are usually pretty clear. I'm going to organise the cupboards so that they are more practical and get rid of anything I no longer use. I will also be doing the drawers, less stuff = less dishes right?!

DAY TWENTY: Dining room/craft area
Anything that doesn't belong has to go! Also craft items that are no longer used will be sold.

DAY TWENTY ONE: Enjoy! I'm all done :)


Wish me luck I know I will need it.

My life, my gamble

I am not doing so well today.
A lady that works locally is trying to give my business a bad name, I have not done anything wrong but she is in some pretty hot water and dragging down numerous others with her.
I have nothing to worry about authority wise as everything is above board, but word of mouth is a pretty powerful tool and the things she has done to people previous and their families quite honestly I am worried, very worried. Not only for my business but for mine and my families safety.

My husband is away so I cannot talk to him about it, I am not sure he would even understand.
My addictions are screaming at me. I am trying so hard this year to be sober and not use alcohol as a coping mechanism and so far I have done OK, not brilliantly but not too badly. Today however I could drink myself into oblivion. I won't though. I have made myself a cup of tea and put a warning out on an addiction group, not so much a warning but a cry for help, a cry for support.

This group that I am talking about is fantastic, if any of you have any addiction problems or mental health or have friends and family that do it is a wonder, wonderful support owned by a very good friend of mine who was a gambling addict, she hasn't gambled for 2 years now and set up Life After The Gamble to help others through their addictions and daily battles.
Their are many people on there and many who I connect to due to self harming, mental health and addiction. It has become essentially my family and the admins have become some of my best friends despite living so far away.

The kids are all at kinder and school tomorrow and I have some running around to do but I am hoping I can take an hour or so just for me, not bother with the housework, I can do that on Tuesday but have a bath, read a book. Put today to the back of my mind and relax.

Anyway I better feed these kids so I can start doing the bedtime wind down, the twins have been absolutely horrible to get to sleep lately.

I see your true colours ...... and they're not pretty!

One thing about having mental illness is that you do analyze things, you do see who is really there for you and who isn't.
Today I have lost a friend who I thought would be there until the very end, what tore this friendship apart? A typo, yes you read correctly, my new phone changed a word where I did not want it to, I did not check this and now that person is posting not so nice stuff on their facebook, accusing me of things I am not.
Petty? Yes.
Childish? Yes.
Am I hurt? Yes
Will I move on? Absolutely!

This morning has given me the emotional void to think properly about things without the friendship tag getting in the way, I now see things differently, I see why this person cannot maintain friendships or hold down a job. Their attitude. A bad attitude is one of the most unattractive qualities a person can possess.
If you want to throw away what I believed to be a fairly solid friendship purely because of a typo then that is not my issue, it is not.
If the main concern was a typo rather than my daughters health who was in hospital then again the issue is not me.

A few years ago I truly believed that the strength of your support network was determined by the size, I was wrong it is by the quality not the quantity. Today I am again reminded of that.
Quality not quantity.

Now this is not a blog to hate on that person or anything of the sort, mainly a vent, mainly telling myself that this is not my fault. My focus should be on those who do want to be a part of my life, those who won't walk away over a typo that I explained to them yet they continued to call me stupid and post statuses. Not my fault.

Now I am wiping my hands clean and walking away, focusing on the positive people around me, those who want to be around, those who will not purposely sabotage aspects of my life.
I deserve to be happy, I deserve friendship and I deserve support.  

Living in a world where I am my own worst enemy

Days like today I would give nothing more than to able to remove my own brain from my head and stomp on it a million times.
I am fighting a battle I feel I cannot win, the battle is against myself, against my illnesses, the demons from within are getting louder and making me weaker.
I can't do this, I am stupid, my husband doesn't love me, he is going to find better, my kids deserve better, I will never amount to anything ... the things constantly swimming around in my mind. A constantly judgement, a constant humiliation.

I am still on a waiting list to get in to see somebody about therapy, the hospital won't see me despite the suicidal idealizations the fact that I have not acted on it means I am no risk to myself or those around, so I have been told. I just want help, I just want to not feel this way anymore.

Teaching my children life skills

I am having a guilty mum moment, those moments where you realize you have failed in some way and wish you had a TARDIS to go back and help things change.
My almost 11 year old has never peeled a vegetable, the kids barely do any chores. I write out chore charts and don't follow them up because of the arguments it causes. This is about to change, they need to learn life skills and learn that housework is just part of life.

From now on (this time I really do mean it, I am tired from doing everything and they need to learn, plus they may even enjoy it!) each night a different child will help me cook even if it is just prepping veggies.
We are going to start eating at the table, the kids who are not cooking will help each other in setting the table, the older two will help with dishes and cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.

Homework must be done before dinner or if there is no homework they may go on study ladder or do some reading. Education is important.

The twins can help fold tea towels and gather the socks and dishcloths. The older two will fold and each child will help put laundry away. I will be doing the washing of clothes and drying.

Everybody (adults included) will have their bedroom clean before bed.
Whoever uses the bathroom to shower will wipe it down when they are done.

If you take your clothes off you will take them to the laundry yourself.

Every weekend we will all pitch in to do some bigger tasks like cleaning the gardens up, prepping lunches for the week and wiping down the walls.

I asked in a parenting group I am a member in about what chores their kids do and I realized that my kids really do nothing at all, if I get everyone pitching in a little then things won't be as overwhelming for me, I know it won't happen instantly, it will take time. I think I will have more success with the kids than the husband though ;) Family is about being part of a team and working together.
My kids will have to sacrifice some of their time but I am hoping it helps us to communicate better, get them more active, learn and for us to bond better.

I have to think of some easy prep meals for the beginning, I will be assisting and think of some rewards. Maybe introduce pocket money and they get a deduction for everything they don't do and a reward for additional tasks.

I will let you all know how it goes! We are starting this immediately :)