Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Living in a world where I am my own worst enemy

Days like today I would give nothing more than to able to remove my own brain from my head and stomp on it a million times.
I am fighting a battle I feel I cannot win, the battle is against myself, against my illnesses, the demons from within are getting louder and making me weaker.
I can't do this, I am stupid, my husband doesn't love me, he is going to find better, my kids deserve better, I will never amount to anything ... the things constantly swimming around in my mind. A constantly judgement, a constant humiliation.

I am still on a waiting list to get in to see somebody about therapy, the hospital won't see me despite the suicidal idealizations the fact that I have not acted on it means I am no risk to myself or those around, so I have been told. I just want help, I just want to not feel this way anymore.

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